We Are All Human Magnets

Excerpt from Upcoming
“The Codependency Revolution”
Released with workbook on November 1, 2023

Written by Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Self-Love Recovery Institute — President/CEO
Psychotherapist, Educator, Author, Expert Witness

RULES GOVERNING HUMAN MAGNETS

The earth is one colossal magnet with two opposite poles, like its smaller magnetic cousins. Each pole has opposite magnetic charges: positive and negative. As a result, a metal needle in a compass is highly sensitive to our planet’s magnetic field. To illustrate, when a compass is pointed in a specific direction, its needle’s movement calibrates with particular markers of the earth’s magnet field. As such, the needle accurately shows us what direction the compass is pointed in, whether toward the North or South Pole or in the east or west direction.

According to the Human Magnet Syndrome theory, every human being is a metaphorical magnet whose polarity is determined by their relationship compatibility orientation. Those with a “negative” magnetic charge are more giving and sacrificing and generally focus on the needs of others. In contrast, those with a “positive” charge tend to be take, need, and generally focus on their own needs. Like regular magnets, human magnets are unconsciously pulled towards those with an opposite charge from them, meaning that the negatively charged, selfless codependents will inevitably find themselves with the positively charged, selfish narcissist, no matter what they do.

In addition, the strength of the magnetic charge is distinctly correlated to a person’s emotional and relational health. The more or less dysfunctional or unhealthy a person is, the stronger or weaker their magnetic charges will be. The stronger the pull, the more long-lasting the relationship. Welcome to the world of human magnets!”

Humans possess either a positive self-serving or negative other-serving metaphorical magnetic charge that naturally creates an unconscious preference to become intimate with a person carrying the opposite magnetic charge. In other words, human “magnets” are predictably “pulled” toward a particular romantic partner whose “magnetic polarity” is opposite to theirs. A person who is oriented toward the needs of others carries a negative charge. Conversely, the person-oriented toward their own or self needs will carry a positive charge. The rule of thumb is the more powerful the “opposite magnetic connection,” the more lasting the relationship will be.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN MAGNETS!

Despite a codependent’s fantasy of finding an unconditionally and mutually loving, respecting, and caring romantic partner, they unconsciously submit to the self-sabotaging invisible forces of opposite magnet attraction. Conscious intentions, desires, and promises to learn from past mistakes are no match for the raw power of The Human Magnet Syndrome. Not only are relationships brought together by an interminably strong magnetic force, but they are kept that way, sometimes for a lifetime.

Sixty-one years of life have taught me that approximately 95 percent of romantic lovers are matched and subsequently bonded by HMS, which is intricately connected to the experience of positive chemistry, limerence, trauma bonding, and the resulting creation of lasting dysfunctional relationships. These three terms will be discussed in subsequent chapters. It is important to note that such magnetism only can occur with relationships created by a shared experience of positive chemistry. Incidentally, I estimate these very same forces impact at least 60 percent of platonic relationships.

As predictable as the attraction of opposite lovers, negative-negative or positive-positive magnetic matchups create an equally predictable reaction: an experience of repulsion, disinterest, or in the worst cases, disgust. For example, in codependent-codependent or narcissist-narcissist matchup-ups, the fireworks and delicious feel-good experience of love-at-first-sight are replaced by the loud internal message that instructs the person to run.

Most, if not all, pathological narcissists and codependents were raised by parents who either did not want to, could not, or were prevented from unconditionally loving, respecting, and caring for them. These traumatized children were subjected to chronic abuse, neglect, and/or deprivation during their critical attachment developmental period. Sadly, and most, unfortunately, this would become the next generation of codependents. These codependents would enter adult long-term romantic relationships with pathological narcissists.