Ross Rosenberg's Blog

Invisible Trauma: Unearthing Trauma Fossils

Invisible Trauma: Unearthing Trauma Fossils

When treating trauma victims and survivors, I conceptualize trauma as a metaphorical invisible wound that is shamefully hidden from others. Many trauma victims hold onto the irrational belief that, by telling someone their story, they would be taking an indefensible risk that could have irreversible and lasting consequences. They are also terrified of the consequences of exposing the perpetrator because of real or imagined judgment, rejection from loved ones, and the consequent loss of important loving and supportive relationships — social and familial isolation.

Codependent Love Poem

Codependent Love Poem

Men and women always have been drawn into romantic relationships instinctively, not so much by what they see, feel or think, but more by an invisible and irresistible relationship force.  Ross Rosenberg, a seasoned psychotherapist, professional trainer, and recovering codependent, calls this compelling and seductive “love force” the Human Magnet Syndrome.  “Chemistry,” or the intuitive knowingness of perfect compatibility, is synonymous with the Human Magnet Syndrome.  This is the attraction force that brings compatibly opposite, but exquisitely matched, lovers together: codependents and narcissists.

Codependency Anorexia: Are You Starving Yourself From Love?

Codependency Anorexia: Are You Starving Yourself From Love?

Codependency Anorexia occurs when a codependent surrenders to their life-long relationship pattern to destructive pathological narcissists. I define codependency as an individual psychopathology that manifests within relationships. The codependent habitually finds themselves in relationships with pathological narcissists, with whom they give the lion’s share of love, respect and care (LRC), while being denied the same. Although they are consistently on the short end of the receiving stick, they stay in the relationship because they are both afraid of being alone and believe that if given enough time, they will be able to change or control the narcissist’s selfishness and entitlement.

She Drives a Mercedes, He Rides a Harley

She Drives a Mercedes, He Rides a Harley

Codependents and narcissists have an opposite “magnetic charge,” which makes them a perfectly compatible couple. Metaphorically speaking, the others-oriented person, the codependent, carries a negative charge, while the self-oriented person, the narcissist, carries a positive charge.  In other words, patient, giving, and selfless individuals are predictably attracted to selfish, self-centered, and controlling partners. 

We Inherit a Relationship

We Inherit a Relationship "GPS" From Our Parents

As an adult, just like your parents and all the previous generations of your family, such a terribly traumatic childhood would result in a future Pathological Narcissism diagnosis - Borderline, Narcissistic, or Antisocial Personality Disorder. Per the Human Magnet Syndrome theory, such a person would be compulsively, reflexively, and automatically attracted to individuals with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLD)/codependency.

Codependency: Don't Dance!

Codependency: Don't Dance!

The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but balanced partners: a pleasing, giving codependent and the needy controlling narcissist. Like a champion dance partnership, the dancing roles are perfectly matched: the leader needs the follower and vice versa. Or, in other words, the giver-taker dance role combination enables the two to dance effortlessly and flawlessly.