Written by Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Self-Love Recovery Institute – President/CEO
Psychotherapist, Educator, Author, Expert Witness
Men and women always have been drawn into romantic relationships instinctively, not so much by what they see, feel or think, but more by an invisible and irresistible relationship force. Ross Rosenberg, a seasoned psychotherapist, professional trainer, and recovering codependent, calls this compelling and seductive “love force” the Human Magnet Syndrome. “Chemistry,” or the intuitive knowingness of perfect compatibility, is synonymous with the Human Magnet Syndrome. This is the attraction force that brings compatibly opposite, but exquisitely matched, lovers together: codependents and narcissists.
This magnetic love connection predictably begins like a fairy-tale, but quickly morphs into a painful “seesaw” of love and hate and hope and disappointment. The experience of relational perfection is really just a guise for the temporary suspension of pathological loneliness, an excruciatingly painful condition that plagues both codependents and narcissists. At the end of the day, the codependent’s dreams of a soul mate invariably dissolve into a “cellmate” reality.
The main thesis of this book is that codependents and pathological narcissists are naturally attracted to each other because of their opposite but compatible personality types. Codependents typically lose themselves in relationships in which they provide the lion’s share of love, respect, and care to others while neglecting to obtain the same for themselves. Conversely, narcissists fall deeply in love with selfless caretakers (codependents) who satisfy their emotional and personal needs with no demands of reciprocity. As partners, they create a dysfunctionally compatible relationship. The same magnetic force that brought them together also bonds them into a long-term and persistent relationship.
The following poem by Ross Rosenberg paints a picture of the Human Magnet Syndrome from the codependent’s point of view.
Codependent Love
Codependent love is illogical,
Transient and shapeless.
It resists definition.
Defies explanation.
Good, bad,
Healthy, dysfunctional,
Long-term or fleeting.
Here, there
And nowhere
It loves without boundaries.
It is paradoxical.
Pain beckoning hope.
Sly like a fox.
Pretending to be big,
Happy and permanent.
It’s like a shiny new diamond.
Larger than life.
Symbolic happiness.
Sparkly deception.
Promising forever smiles.
This love lies!
It promises delivery
From eternal loneliness,
But perpetually disappoints.
Look in the mirror!
Gaze deeply into the face
That needs to love you.
Look carefully.
Because that same smile
Will eventually be on the face
Of the lover you always deserved.
By Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment.
Ross's expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 22 million YouTube video views and 236K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 150K copies and are in 12 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services.
More about Ross and his educational and inspirational work can be found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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