Resisting the rigid mindset of organizing your relationships in binaries of good or bad, like or dislike, avoidance or enmeshment, can be challenging when you desire to become less close and involved with a friend, close friend, or intimate partner. Using the relationship circles concept to reorganize a friend’s meaning and value to you is possible without uncomfortable conflict, hurt feelings, and excessive and needless drama. Applying this model will help you modify the boundaries that determine and sustain emotional vulnerability and intimacy.
- Close Intimate Friend
- Close Friend
- Friends
- Acquaintances
Imagine a set of four concentric circles, with the innermost center circle surrounded by progressively larger circles. The innermost circle, the “close intimate friend,” represents a person you truly and deeply unconditionally love, respect, care for, trust, and protect, who you are convinced shares the same sentiment. In these relationships, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and ask of this person what would be impossible for another.
The next circle, moving outwards, represents close friends. These are people we love and who we know love us. Although the level of affection, time spent, and expectation for mutual love, respect, caring, trust, and protection is limited compared to the innermost circle, these friends are still there for us in a pinch (just like we are there for them). They may be the people we might ask to drive us to an emergency room. But maybe not someone to take us to chemotherapy.
The third “friends” circle represents people we enjoy, spend time with, and care about. Unlike the preceding two circles, expectations are limited and, when necessary, guarded. Because we don’t expect them to love, respect, care, trust, and protect us like others, but certainly enjoy whatever they can give, they also remain dear to our heart.
Relationship circles help us reorganize how much we expect from a friend without setting severe relationship consequences if disappointed. The opposite occurs with people we progressively feel closer and safer with, with whom we allow ourselves to feel increasingly more vulnerable. By bringing a relationship closer to the center shows their desire to strengthen and deepen the connection. Moving towards the center of the main circle shows increased closeness, vulnerability, safety, and trust.
When a decision is made to move someone away from the center, it decreases comfort, closeness, and vulnerability in the friendship. Often, individuals going through these shifts are unaware of the underlying cause, which can lead to a lack of negative response. Frequently, people who experience these changes in their relationships are unaware of what occurred, resulting in a more subdued reaction to this primarily psychological and emotional journey.
In conclusion, using the relationship circle concept, individuals can easily recognize how they hold the power to either bring someone closer or push them away based on different circumstances and factors. Additionally, this system will assist us in identifying any harmful or toxic relationships, empowering us to take the necessary measures to safeguard ourselves. Hence, spend your valuable time and energy on beneficial relationships that promote happiness, well-being, and, of course, self-love abundance!
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